I'm All By Myself

It's really quite in the house right now, maybe too quite.  I don't feel like being alone.  Yes I have to exercise and finish taking down the Christmas stuff but I don't want to be alone.  I went to make myself a cup of hot tea and while I was in the room I thought I could really eat some food.  No I'm not hungry at all but have the urge to eat.  I have discovered on my journey that when I don't want to be alone I eat.  This is why the team approach really works!  So I kept saying to myself make your tea and go blog.  Blogging is a good way for me to express myself and by putting these feelings down on paper I can realize what I'm doing that makes me eat and put on unhealthy weight.  Yes I just got through another hurdle!  Wow losing weight is not about not eating at all.  So all the people out there who used to say, "Just close your mouth and don't eat" don't know at all what they are talking about.  It's way more than the food, it's why are we eating the foods and when.  It's what we are substituting food for that makes us fat.  I wasn't one of those people but now I know why I yo yo diet and couldn't keep the weight off.  I must say I'm feeling good right now realizing one of the reasons is I have been eating when I'm lonely. 

     We went to Culver's after church because we let my husband pick.  My daughter & I sat and waited while my husband ate a boat of ice-cream.  It looked really good but that is not a tempting food for me.  My daughter on the other hand loves ice-cream so it was harder for her.  I said to her take one spoonful just to get the satisfaction out of the way and it worked.  That's all she needed and she was just fine.  I'm telling you it feels so good to not let food consume me!!

I finally did it, I put a picture of my daughter Rachel below.  That is the weight she wants to get to again.

Below is a picture of my husband Ken, daughter Rachel and myself.  I hate fat pictures so this is huge for me to be able to post a picture.  Of course I have now lost 14 lbs so I look better but I realize I need a before and an after of me. 

The Results

The weigh in went very well, I lost 4 lbs.  I wanted to lose more but I am very happy with the four pounds.  Week two is always the hardest week on the Biggest Loser Show to lose weight so we are no different.  Your probably wondering how the team did, well we lost 13 lbs total.  I should know on Monday what place we are in.  My daughter & I found out some interesting stuff about our food habits.  We went out to eat for the first time in over two weeks.  The menu was really big so it took us awhile to find out what we wanted to eat.  We settled on a ranch wrap even though the chicken was breaded.  It came with a cup of soup but we had a side salad instead.  It also came with fries or fruit and we of course got the fruit.  We were eating our salads, low fat french on the side talking how important it is to have a partner when trying to lose weight.  We both notice that on the Biggest Loser TV show they have the people come in as pairs and we believe that the support of each other is what keeps you going.  We both agreed we might not have made it through some of the days without each other pushing or saying "Don't eat that!"  Our main meal came and the wraps had two halves that were pretty big, I was amazed.  We failed to read that the wrap came fried or something so we missed that.  As we were eating I talked about getting a sub for my husband and saving half of our wraps for later.  Half way through the first half I said to Rachel "why are we eating the other half when we both know it's not that healthy for us.  Condition, we are in such a habit of not noticing what we eat or how much it's like we are on auto pilot.  We learned so much from lunch today, it was another breakthrough.  Just by habit we go through the motions of eating & eating & eating.  Guess what we brought the two halves home for my husband and he enjoyed the wraps to.
     Some other members on teams at work are into heckling us about doing so well and telling us we won't keep up the weight lost.  What they don't know is this is a journey into discovering why we eat wrong and not letting food control us anymore.  So heckle away because this is a life long journey commitment!

2 Weeks!

Tonight will be two weeks, wow the time so goes by fast when your not eating the foods you love and taking control over the food.  So tonight I weigh in and I'm excited because I think I lost 4 more pounds.  My body is taking a beating at work this week so I will be upset if I didn't lose that much.  Today is the last chance workout before the weigh in and I need to work hard.  I'll just pretend I have Jeff (my Bob) next to me urging & pushing me all the way, saying give me 10 more or lets increase that speed.  I can just hear him, your not going to lose weight that way come on push yourself.  Go Jeff Go.
    People need to realize that fat comments do hurt, in fact any negative comments hurt.  Take that split second to see the person's face with the hurt all over it and then you'll see they are upset.  I think we all guilty of these actions.  We need to walk a mile in someones shoes before we judge them.  Just because we might not be as fat this doesn't give us the right to shot insults at anyone.  We all have our faults and I'm sure we wouldn't want someone making fun of them. 
     The 3rd shift at work decided to throw a Packer party and they put up a sign up sheet for food.  I don't think I'm ready yet to join the fun.  There will be way too much food and not good kinds.  Now that I know how much food in the past parties I consume I think I will pass this one up.  I'm proud of myself for realizing I can't just eat small amounts and need to avoid the room. 

I'm so cold

Have you ever notice that when you start to lose weight you get cold.  I am cold right now and had to go put on a fleece.  Why is that?  Maybe one of my followers could shed some light on this.  At least typing warms my fingers up!  Today was a good day.  I worked out for 40 minutes on the elliptical.  I almost went 2 miles I just came up short.  Wow I feel great and it felt great doing it.  I've come a long way in my short two weeks.  Remember I hated the thing before I started.  I do believe losing weight has helped.  I think by the end of the ten weeks I might be able to hold my breath as long as my oldest son can.
     Saturday my son went back to school.  I was sad he had been home for almost a month.  I have encourage him to watch what he eats at school.  We also have talked about how many calories are in alcohol.  I couldn't believe it either.  I have not had a drink since starting the biggest loser.  I don't want to drink my calories right now only eat them.  I'm thinking though I could have a glass of wine during the super bowl, go pack go. 
     So I thought I was only eating 1400 calories and it turned out I'm eating 1800.  The weight is coming off and I think I'm starving so I am going to leave it alone right now.  So far this week I have lost 3.5 lbs.  Funny I was talking with my healthy son about my journey and he yawn a huge yawn on me.  What's up with that??  I made an awesome salad I like to share.

Eye Opener

It's amazing how we see only what we want to see.  We can kid ourselves that we are not that heavy or I'm not that overweight but in reality.....I was.  I was one of those people, I'm not that heavy.  I have small legs and a small butt my weight is just in my stomach.  Since I have started my journey I realize I am overweight and need to change my life style.  I must say I'm feeling much better, more energy not so sluggish since I started.  So my oldest daughter came home this weekend and I thought I share my new books with her.  Well she wasn't in the mood but pretended she was and opened and closed the books in two seconds.  I at first was hurt because at first I thought she didn't care and then she told me she was tired.  The old me would have went and ate some comfort food thinking I was being rejected.  But I didn't!!  Big moment for me.  So I want to eat all foods just eat it in moderation so today for my snack during the game I have 15 pringle chips fat free of course. They were great and they tasted so much better now that I don't eat them as much.  So I am learning so much on my journey.  Look tomorrow for pictures.  I have decided my daughter & I will go and buy some new clothes in 9 weeks to celebrate!  I challenged my oldest daughter to lose some weight & join us in the celebration. 

First Weigh In

Yes I did it!!  I had my first weigh in and guess what, I lost 9 lbs!!  Better yet my team lost a total of 32 lbs.  We are pumped!  Jim lost 11 lbs and Kim & Andy each lost 6 lbs.  You couldn't ask for a better start than that.  We felt great and are motivated moving forward into the next week.    I couldn't believe when I heard people talking about us behind our back.  I heard some negative talk about the weight lost.  I watch what people eat on break partly to see what they eat and partly jealous because I know if I eat those brownies or donuts I will stay at my current weight or grow.  I want everyone to get healthy but unless they want it I keep my mouth shut and drool.  Sometimes I feel like Homer....yum donuts.   It had been hard work with the exercising and changing the eating plan.  I realize when I get tired I would eat food as a comfort.  I'm sure why because I was only tired and needed rest not food.  I have begun the process on changing that eating urge.  When I get tired I sit down for a few minutes or if I'm at work I have a small container of pretzels & rice crips and eat just a couple to keep me going.  
     Exercising is going really well.  I think it really helps to work with a partner.  Having my daughter working out and watching what she eats is a support I can't be without.  We motivate each other and say do you really want to eat that?  Yesterday I did my Gold's Gym while she was on the elliptical and after we did yoga on the Wii.  After the yoga I challenged her to the obstacle course and was that fun.  Even though we were tired we pushed through two rounds each and in the end Rachel beat me but I had so much fun.
     One of our favorite fast foods was the potato boats from KFC and everyone knows we don't eat them any more.  We created our own yesterday and were they good.  Check out my recipe's to see the new & improved boats.

Food Shopping

Today I went grocery shopping with my daughter and we were hungry.  They tell you never to shop when you are hungry but I must admit we did pretty well.  One thing that struck me odd was it cost a lot more money to eat healthy than to stay fat!  The prices on fruits & vegetables is quite high and if you are going to lose weight you need to buy fresh fruit & veggies.  I bought some blackberries, blueberries, grapefruit, pineapple and apples. Now that I eat salad without cheese, eggs I bought spouts, carrots and cucumbers to make the salad more fulling and exciting.  It took us much longer to shop because now we read each box to check out the servings, fat and calories.  Before the life long journey to change my eating habits we would walk along and toss boxes into the cart without reading anything.  I feel much better about shopping because I now know what I'm consuming.  I feel more in charge of my life.  I believe this is another break through.  As we were moving slowly through the store we had to find something to eat in the car because we were starving.   We found bit size chocolate rice cakes that tasted really good.  7 pieces were serving size and that held us over until super was ready.  The old me would have bought a donut, chips and maybe string cheese with a soda to hold us over, wow.  I am starting to feel much better, not so sluggish.   Big day tomorrow!!!!  First weigh in!!

Weight Loss

One very important fact is to keep eating once you cut down your food.  When following a healthy food plan you do seem to be hungrier more often.  I believe that is because of all the fruits & vegetables we are now consuming and not all the sugars & fats.  I believe it is a known fact that when we eat foods that are higher in fat & sugars we crave them even more but once you cut them out of your food plan we don't crave them  as much.  It is the emotions that get in the way of our bad food choices.  One of my team members lost 8 lbs in 3 days, that is awesome but I also didn't see him eat hardly anything at lunch.  That is not good because we need to change our eating habits but continue to consume at least 1400 calories a day.  Most nights we do work fairly hard so we would burn off the food we eat.  I am going to have to talk to him and see if I can help out.
     Last night when I was bored & tired at work I craved junk food and just the urge to eat.  I don't believe I was really hungry but I was bored, I now know I tie food to boredom.  There is not much I can do at work when I'm on a boring job so I decided to look at a magazine.  Bad idea, way to many advertisements about food!  No not carrots but brownies, cookies, you get my drift!  If you think about it, society is always shoving food down our throats on one hand but on the other hand we are told we are fat.  This is a break through on my part and I will buy some sugar free hard candy so when I crave food and can't eat a carrot I can pop a candy in my mouth.  I was also chewing gum but my jaw started to hurt. 
     I'm on my way to do the Gold's Gym Wii workout.  This is one of my favorite workouts!   

Not Friends

The elliptical and I are not friends.  I worked out for 30 minutes and I can honestly say I hate working out on that thing!  It is not fun for me and I will never keep up exercising if that is my means of losing weight.  So I guess it's time to dust off the treadmill and put it back into use.  I don't mind running/walking on the treadmill.  Maybe I relate the thing to life, we get on and have to keep on going no matter what unless we fall off.  We do fall off but the goal is to get back on and give her hell.  I am doing great so far.  I have to dig out the cookbook to get some variety in my food choices because right now I don't have many and boredom will set in.  I weighed myself just to see if I lost and I lost 3.3 lbs in 2 days.  Of course I'm sure I put on 5 the week before we weighed in so.....  I decided not to put calories on my food log because if I eat the servings that shouldn't matter.  It was funny measuring out my food tonight, I don't think the goal is to see how much food I can cram in a measuring cup.   Time to get ready for work!!

The Torture has begun

1:45 p.m.

OMG is all I have to say!  Last night I exercise on my elliptical for 30 minutes.  The first 2 minutes were hell, my legs were screaming & burning at the same time!  But, I kept going and they got better.  Wow I can't believe I did an half hour of torture but in the long run it wasn't bad.  You know what kept me going?  Your right, the biggest loser show.  If individuals who are hundreds of pounds over weight can walk on the treadmill I can workout on my elliptical.  Thank God I didn't have Bob standing there making me go faster, who knows I might have fallen off. 

     Can you believe I didn't eat all the food I was allowed yesterday!  It's really hard for me to switch from 3rd shift to 1st on the weekend.  I'm not one of those people who can stay up without sleeping.  I did try that and I had to eat to keep going....not good.  I slept until noon and then ate lunch.  Of course everything was careful measured out and put on my plate and then I went and sat down.  I was taught a long time ago make all your food and put it on your plate so you don't over eat.  We are all guilty of going in the kitchen lets say for milk and stop to pick in the food.  I'm not sure why, do we think we are going to starve?  This Friday I will have to work on eating smaller meals to get all my food in.  I put the extra Hersey kisses in my M&M jar and they don't even temp me!  What's bad is when I can't eat yummy food I become a feeder and eat it through my husband.  Watching him eat the kisses makes me happy because someone is eating them.  I have to stop this because he will get fat!  Well off to do my Biggest Loser tape, yeah more exercise!

The Weigh In

 I weighed in last night with my team.  Oh boy as my youngest son would say, we were a whooping 958 lbs!  We have our work cut out for us but I am pumped, ready for the challenge!  So when no one else was around I weighed myself because I'm ready yet to come clean and tell how much I weigh.  Thank God I'm not on the biggest loser or I would have been standing in my sports bra and spandex shorts.  Whats up with that, the men get to wear normal shorts.  It's bad enough the contestants have to get on the scale in front of millions of viewers at least let the women wear shorts that don't cling to every ripple!  I wonder if the show cares about how the women feel standing in their sports bra like that.  Does the show feel if the women stand there like that they will want to lose the weight more, I'm not sure how I feel about that.  Anyhow I started counting calories and that was fun.  I had chunky soup with my daughter, and we each ate a can of soup.  Guess what I forgot to read the label and we should have shared a can!  OK not going to happen for two people starting to lose weight.  Who eats just one cup out of a can of soup anyhow.  Please someone let me know because I've always ate the whole can of soup.  Remember I love food, the smell, the taste, the great feeling I feel until of course I eat too much and then it's I can't believe I ate all that. HaHaHa  I am hungry right now typing my blog.  I think this will be ongoing until my body gets use to not eating.  I have cut out my diet soda ugh and drinking lots more water.  I am starting a food diary to keep track of what I'm going to eat.  My daughter is complaining I'm trying to kill her by not eating yet, I'm starving her, too funny.   Now I am going to work out for an half hour.  Wish me Luck!

The Start

The time has come!  It's time to start losing weight.  I weigh in tonight at work & I'm both excited and scared.  Excited because I can begin to lose weight and fit into those small clothes I've saved in my closet for a very long time.  Scared because I'm not sure where my journey is going to take me and dealing with issues I have that I know contribute to my weight problem that I have managed to bury deep into food.  I like the phase, "I'm a skinny person trapped in a fat person body", ha ha. 
     Time to get out the scale and food journal.  I figure I need to start to write down everything I eat or I will be in denial about what I'm consuming.  I am going to follow the American Diabetes Association exchange lists for meal planning.  I will start a page in the near future listing the exchanges.  I am not sure how to plan out my food because I work 3rd shift.  I was talking to my son (personal trainer) who said I should try eating smaller meals rather than 3 larger meals.  I have found by going to bed within an hour of getting home and sleeping 6 to 7 hours keeps my body closer to a normal routine like a normal person.  Isn't that funny I don't consider myself normal because I work 3rd shift.  This is a break through somehow I'm sure.  Just because I work 3rd shift doesn't mean I'm not normal!  What is normal anyhow?  I plan on starting to work out on my treadmill and doing my Gold's Gym Wii workout every other day.  Hopefully exercise will help the stress because work can sure cause stress.  One of the problems is we have no manager/Foreman on our shift so everyone thinks they are in charge.  I just laugh right now and keep out of all the drama.  Well I will work on this issue in the near future.  So wish me luck and here I go, my journey to becoming the new healthy Theresa forever.

Self Discovery

I am sitting here watching one of my favorite TV shows, The Biggest Loser while eating my last double cheeseburger from Culver's.  I remember one contestant saying, "I like watching the show because I could always find someone bigger than me".  I don't think I watch because I find people bigger than me but to see the journey they take from day one to the end show.  How much weight they lose and what they figure out about themselves is what keeps me watching.  By watching the show I maintain my current weight and not gain more because I see how big I could become.  I think a problem of mine is I am always looking for approval, hey your doing a great job, your a great mom, your an awesome worker, etc.  It really took a toll on me when I lost my office job, I felt like I must have done something wrong to be replaced by a women who was over retirement age and never done the job.  I have to realize it's not me, I was doing a great job and not let any negative thoughts take over.  I am now putting the job lost behind me and it will not consume my life anymore!   
     My daughter & I over a year ago lost 10/20 lbs each.  One thing we did was cut out fast food.  If the restaurant had a drive-thru window we would not eat it.  We have not eaten a burger type sandwich from McDonald, Hardees, Burger King or Wendys' in over a year.  We never included Culver's because it is my husbands favorite place to eat, but that ends today.  When I eat there again it will only be a salad.  I am starting to get excited about changing my eating life style!

Life is Fun

Last night at work I was sitting on break with some co-workers who also will be doing the biggest loser and we got talking about weight.  This will be the second year my company will be doing the event and co-workers who did lose weight last year gained back between half or more than all the weight they lost.  I know of only one person who went on to lose more weight and has kept off the weight for a year.  That's not good statistics!  I ask myself why?  I believe a lot has to do with our life.  Am I stressing, feeling sick, worried about money, worried with the new findings on the news that groceries & gas prices are going up?  All of these issues and more add to, food is our comfort.  I feel good when I eat.  I eat when I'm hungry and not hungry, I turn to food like a great comforting friend.  
     I have been sick for almost a week.  I first started with the flu and now have a head cold, dry cough and sinus draining.  I feel like crap!  Don't they always say, "Feed A Cold"  Well I'm going to try and just eat some chicken noodle soup with crackers nothing more, no ice-cream that would soothe all the way down.  I also have a thin husband who eats what he wants when he wants and that doesn't help.  p.s. He just ate a big bowl of ice-cream.  So I have made process today and admit that food is my comfort.  Now I need to figure out a new comfort that will not live on my body and hang all over me.  By the way I did eat two little peanut butter cups, after all I don't weigh in until Thursday.  

Warm up

I don't officially weigh in until Thursday night so what am I doing to get ready for the big challenge?  Well believe it or not I am eating more food so I don't lose weight before Thursday night.  How wrong is that!  It's kinda like Catholics' before lent who celebrate fat Tuesday.  We eat tons of food to get ready for the big fast!  This sums up my life.  I stand up in a wedding so I lose weight so I don't look fat in the wedding pictures but hey once it's over look out food here I come.  I need to change this line of thought.... line of action.  I cannot keep using food other than what it is meant for, nourishment. 

This is why I am making the Biggest Loser a journey for me to try and figure out and overcome abusing food.  I believe I might have a food addiction!  With that said I need to leave the peanut butter cups alone even though they keep taunting me.  Any thoughts on why I bought them in the first place?  I'm not sure, hopefully I will discover the answer to why I feel I should gain more weight to lose weight!

The Beginning

  My place of employment is doing a biggest loser 10 week program and I was asked to join a team.  Of course I said yes, I can afford to lose some weight.  I don't consider myself to be thin nor overly heavy but overweight.  Being overweight has been a life long journey for me.  All my life I have battled the bulge.  I can lose weight when I want so why do I put back the pounds I work so hard at losing?  My son was helping me set up my blog and I asked him what should my goal be?  Without losing a beat he said "Health"  Why wasn't health the first thought or word to come out of my mouth.

My journey is not only to lose weight and be healthy but to find answers to:  

• Why do I struggle with food?
• Get tempted by food?
• Don't exercise other than work?
• Care enough to continue to fight from gaining weight?

I want my journey to be shared with you.  So plan on coming on a journey that will change your life style to a healthier you.